I always feel weird when I call them “date nights.” I feel creepy using the term and I rarely use those words in public for fear of the police popping out of the shadows to arrest me. But, that’s my issue…
I started “dating” my kids when we had our second. I began to immediately see that my ability to dedicate one-on-one time with my oldest son was greatly diminished when another child was added to the mix. We are now up to 3 kids and we have one on the way – and “date nights” are more important than they’ve ever been.
My kids are 6, 5, and 3 and I try to “date” them all. It’s my attempt at connecting on a deeper level with each of my children – in a way that just isn’t possible when they’re all there at the same time. I’ve been doing it for a few years now and my kids love them. They look forward to them with excitement that is literally only rivaled by Christmas Day.
In my years of doing “date nights,” I have found some ways to maximize the impact and get better at connecting with my kids. Here are a few of them:
· Build excitement. Let them know the week before, or at least a few days before, the date night is to happen. Let them be excited about it, dream about it, and look forward to it. It would be like not ever talking about Christmas Day until it was December 25th. It would be fun, but part of the fun is the days and weeks leading up to the holiday. The same is true with date nights.
· Let them pick. One of my favorite parts about date night is that they get to pick what we do. Of course, I give them a couple or three choices (due to where we sit financially and how much time we have for the date night) – but they pick what we’re doing. And, I’m always trying to think of new things to do.
· Plan to talk. The conversation is what makes it meaningful and I begin my questions as soon as we get in the car to leave for our date. I try to not take them to the movies or somewhere that we don’t get to talk so that I can be sure that we connect well. Although the movies are fine every now and then. But, think ahead about what you two can talk about – school, friends, interests, sports, upcoming holidays, etc.
· Make it special. This can’t happen every time, but when it can, do it. Recently I took my daughter to one of Chick-fil-A’s daddy/daughter date nights. It was themed and we got to ride in a limo together. My wife did the same thing we my sons for a mommy/son night. If your child has a special interest in music, for example, take them somewhere that has to do with music. Make it special specifically to them.
· Do something. I understand that money can be tight, but there are plenty of no cost and low cost things to do (parks, $1 movies at the theater, etc.). That’s one of the reasons I love Macaroni Kid – they point to things to do right here in our community and I can use that information to plan the date nights.
· Make it last. Once the date night is over, I will typically bring it back up a few times in the days that follow. Kids tend to move on to the next thing and I want our date nights to hold a special place in their memories. Bringing up things that we talked about, taking a look at the selfies that we took, and asking questions like “what was your favorite part” help to make the time stick in their memories.
· Plan the next one. It is important the date nights happen regularly. I try to date my kids once a month. It doesn’t always happen. But it’s important that it happens quarterly…or in some regular fashion. It wasn’t until after the second or third one that I had it down and my kids were actually bought into the idea fully.
Dating my kids is one of the best things that I’ve ever done as a parent. It’s especially important for those of that work – although stay at home moms and dads should date their kids too. In preparation for writing this article, I asked my kids about date nights. Their responses?
“They’re fun!” “I like spending one on one time with you!”
“I like picking what we do!” “I can’t wait for our next one!”
“I like everything about our date nights!”
As you can see, my kids love them as much as I do! So, schedule a date night next week with one of your kids and use this tool to help make them impactful!
- About Tim Parsons
Tim is a talented speaker, writer and coach who has worked in various industries including hospitality, retail, higher education and the non-profit sector. He has a heart to help people lead better: at work and at home. Tim is married to the love of his life, Consuela, and they have 4 children. Stop by my website and let's connect on Twitter and Facebook.
